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radio edit

Something awkward happened today with my son. On the way home we were listening to the radio and they started talking about Nicolas Cage. In case you didn't know he owns a few houses here, one in the FQ that has a reputation for being seriously haunted, or if not, a very bloody history. They were talking about how he got some director to change the filming location of a movie to New Orleans since apparently he's developed some sort of fear of this place? He thought by making himself return here to shoot a movie he would have to face his fears. Yup, what a douche. Shitty thing? One of the radio deejays called him a "bastard". Not in a bad way, but in a joking must be nice to command an entire production to change it's location to suit your whims, lucky bastard sort of way. What do I get out of this?

The kid asking me what a bastard is.

I have this thing that I will answer and explain any question he asks me to the best of my ability. We've even talked about abortion. I remember being a kid, and I know if I don't tell him he'll ask someone else, another kid, and he won't get the correct impression. I started by making it clear that it was not a word he was allowed to say, it was a curse word, but kinda in the same line as crap- just a bit worse. I started to tell him that most curse words had origin elsewhere and were not originally a curse word, but meant something. That ass was a donkey, and that the f word actually means sex, but that they've been used over the years as something derogatory and not correctly anymore. Here is where he pointed out that I said the F word last time I hit my head on the futon armrest. *My kid, still cute.* Anyway, I told him 'bastard' was now the same thing as saying 'asshole' but meant more for only men, just less commonly used. Then I told him what it originally meant.

And then I watched it click for him.

He tells me "So since you and daddy weren't married that makes me that word?" I start to break down the technicalities of it all and tell him how back when it was commonly used couples were married before having kids, it was just how it was done and now it's just as common to not be married. That the word in it's proper use no longer carries the same stigma it used to, and in it's correct form really isn't an insult anymore. We talked about it for a while, and he seemed okay and not upset by the whole thing. I hope I read him right on this one.

One of the things I'm always iffy about with my parenting is my honesty with my kid. With the exception of Santa Claus, I refuse to lie to him. Even about issues like this. I tell him when I make mistakes, or when I'm out of line with things I do in life. We talk about life choices and I am nothing if not blunt with my child, but I always fully explain things, pros and cons. Yes, he's seven, and like I said- this is one of my parenting traits that I'm not always okay with. I just want him to know that he can always come to me for an answer, even the things that may not be comfortable topics. When I don't know something, I tell him I don't know. Then we google it.

He's on page 48 of HP1, or, at least he was before he went to bed to read for thirty minutes before lights out. He does things and says things sometimes that just make me stop what I'm doing and stare. I am amazed everyday by his growth, his intellect, and his ability to comprehend difficult concepts. He's also expressing his emotions vocally so well I want to point him out to his father sometimes and demand he learn a thing or fifteen. When I got pregnant I didn't think much past the point that I was carrying a child. I had no concept of raising one, caring for one, loving one. He is, by far, the best decision I ever made. I just hope that I'm making the right decisions for him now since he can't make a lot of them for himself.

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
pinchofthyme
Sep. 17th, 2009 05:17 am (UTC)
Wow. I'm usually a big lurker. But I had to comment.

You handled that situation beautifully. Your honesty with Trevor is refreshing and wonderful. I believe it is very important that kids know they can come to their parents. Good job!

I'm so glad that you made sure to stress that Trevor ISN'T a bastard, as the word is outdated. Rhonda (Jordan's mother) called Sydney a bastard when Syd was 2 months (in an effort to make me marry her son and rectify the situation) I think I cried for a week, I was so angry.
moltobene1925
Sep. 18th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC)
I totally get the lurker thing. I do read all your entries, I just don't always comment. Sometimes I just feel like I don't have something to input to you about what you're talking about and I know that sometimes my post are about me sorting out my thoughts, not so much about me caring about who comments on what topic. Feel free to lurk :)

Thanks for this. I worry my honest with cause him to know things he's too young for and can't quite grasp yet, but if he asks then I know he's already thinking about it. I never get angry, no matter what he asks. I try to engage him in conversations with me about what the topic is and get him to express his opinions on it. I hate generalized but for the most part men just don't know how to communicate. I don't what that to be my little boy.

Listen, if you ever need to backhand a member of his family I totally have your back. She needed to be for saying that.

txteva
Sep. 17th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)
I think bastard is definitely an outdated word now, in terms of its original use.

30 odd years ago there was a big stigma in being unmarried or even a single parent.

But now its more normal - a lot of my friends are together with children but not married and I couldn't even conceive of thinking of their children being bastards.

Nowaday a bastard is just a well I'd say another word for a wanker but I'm not sure that translates. A generally not nice man.
Or to put it another way. In the situation of mother, child and father who left them - the bastard is the father not the child!
moltobene1925
Sep. 18th, 2009 04:53 am (UTC)
I really like the way you put that at the end, like society finally realized that in most cases it's the father's fault for not owning up (there is an over abundance of dead beat fathers over dead beat mothers) and NOT THE CHILD'S!

Language is such a funny thing. We use words every day without really thinking of the history behind them. I think I say 'fuck' so much I've taken all the sting out of it as a curse word.
txteva
Sep. 18th, 2009 07:12 am (UTC)
I vary from using swears a lot to never at all.
Up until about the age of 16/17 I'd never ever sworen at my parents (and they never swore at me).
Once my dad did I think he called me an ungrateful bitch or something- it was possibly deserved in the context. But despite whatever it was I had done once it was all calmed down my mum made him say sorry for swearing! Like it was a line not to cross (ironically she never really said sorry for smashing my gameboy when I didn't tidy my room for the 100th time! I thought that was far worse!)

Plus on work i'm on the phone and I wouldn't dream of letting a client hear me swear. Putting them on mute and swearing on the other hand is sometimes needed!

I think its good you're honest with the lil'un... you don't seem to tell him too much information, but enough so that he understands - knowledge is power and thus you are giving him that.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )