May 28th, 2008

BOOK Good Omens god quote


I'm keeping this post public for a while. Link it if you don't mind. I don't think the people on my friend's list fall into this category but you might know someone who does.

Here's something you might not hear often, but this is you, the guest, through the eyes of your server:

Guest: Yeah, there is ten of us. Can you seat us now?
Server: We don't have a table available right now for ten. If possible can your party be broken up to sit at two different tables? I can seat you now then.
G: That was a problem the last three times we were here. And, to tell the truth, the last three times things weren't exactly 'up to par'.
S: Then do you mind if I ask why you keep coming back? (okay, I am a smart ass and had to know)
G: We're hungry.

In my city there and hundreds of different restaurants. You being hungry does not tether you to my place. Also, you're walking into a place with ten people and no reservation and look at me like I'm the asshole when I tell you I have nothing available and you can clearly see the place is packed? This also goes for walking in on a Friday/Saturday night or holiday and being honestly perplexed as to why there is a wait.

female G: Honey, on the door it says they don't take credit cards. Can you believe they don't take credit cards? Look here, it says they don't take credit cards!
male G: I guess they don't take credit cards.
fG: I can't believe it! They don't take credit cards. *looks to S* Excuse me, miss? Do you take credit cards?
S:*makes the 'you are stupid' face* No.

There. Are. No. Words. Funny thing is, this happens often. Even better, it says "No Credit Cards, Cash Only" on our door, menu, and check, and people STILL put a credit card on the bill.

S: How many to your party?
G: Five.
S: Follow me *takes people to table with seating for six since that is what is available*
G: Can we sit over there?
S: *looks at table they point to* I'm sorry but I can't seat you there.
G: Why not?
S: Because there are five of you and that table only seats four.
G: We want to sit there.
S: Then tell one of your friends to leave.

I mean, really?

Let me set this next one up. There is a line at the door. People have been waiting over 45 minutes for a table. I am seating as soon as tables are available.

S: Party of two?
G: Yes! We've been waiting forever!
S: Sorry about that but I have a table available now. Follow me please.
G: Can we have something by a window?

Once again, really?

Here are some more things:
`We don't care about your personal lives.
`You have drama with your significant other? Don't bring it out in public.
`If something goes wrong and you get pissed please keep in mind that it a FUCKING JOB to your server. Not that we don't care but take into consideration that you probably fuck up at work as well and it's not intentional against you.
`Do Not take your bad day out on your server. I have not messed with people's food but I know servers who have. That's not an urban legend.
`Do Not tell us how to do our job, we don't come to your job and place our unfounded knowledge on you. If we seat you somewhere do not ask to move unless you have a special reason. Hosts know their servers, where they sat someone recently, and who can handle what. If I take you somewhere I'm keeping all this in consideration and if you move somewhere else you more than likely jeopardized the quality of your experience.
`You coming into a restaurant ten minutes to closing for us is the equivalent of your boss handing you an extra assload of work right before you're supposed to knock off. Except it doesn't only keep you there but the people you're car pooling with as well (i.e., the kitchen and other staff members).
`We make $2.13 an hour and rely on tips. I'm not saying you should tip just because, if you get bad service tip like it. Chances are your server knows they did a bad job. Keep in mind tip percentage is 18, 15% went out ages ago. And if you 'camp' at a table (we refer to you as a 'camper' or a 'squatter', just so you know) tip to show the time you took up. Once you've paid if you continue to sit you are keeping your server from making more money as we are only allotted so many tables each in our section.
`We are not the kitchen. I do not cook your food. Nor am I the management. If you don't like how the place is run, or think you could do better, ask for an application. If the kitchen messes up your meal I am going to do everything I can to make it right because I know it's part of service. If your meal takes to long this, also, is not my fault. Trust me, I'm just as pissed as you because, as mentioned above, the longer you sit the less tables I have the less money I make.
`Don't take things off the server's tray. You're not helping, you're hurting. We balance things and chances are you'll end up with coke/tea/margarita all over you.
`Don't stack your plates yourself and don't try to hand things to your server while they're cleaning off your table. We have a system! We know how to do this! Chances are you'll end up giving us something unbalanced and things will fall.

Thank you. I might add more to this as I remember things. This kinda links to this in the past but I feel this is worth mentioning again.